At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
