alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
