if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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