I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
