Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
