You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
