I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
