After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
