Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sober January is a disaster.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
