My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
