My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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