Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
