Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
