New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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