I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
