How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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