Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
