OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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