There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
