I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
