I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
