No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
