How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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