i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
