i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
