All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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