hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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