I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
