it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
