I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
