i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
