i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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