nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
a search helicopter?!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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