I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
