Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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