his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize