He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
