got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
