Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
