I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
