Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
