Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
