She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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