You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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