Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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