I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
