I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
