you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
