she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
