I'm going to jail i love you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
