Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My feet surprised me
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