I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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