did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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