Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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