So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize