my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
