It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize
