Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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