she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
