Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
