Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
