STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
