Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
