she was so not down for the gang bang
you didnt know i had herpes?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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