who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize