Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
