I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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