You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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