You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I FOUND THE LEGS
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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